Tag Archives: valentine’s day

Late HS Awkwardness

Valentine’s day was a bit awkward. I don’t mean that in an awful way, it’s just that I feel like I’m that high school teenage girl experiencing a lot of things for the first time in her life. You know when she has heard a million stories about these things and she thinks she’s ready for them but deep down she hasn’t got the slightest clue on how these things work out. There’s a lot to take in and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.

My friends told me that I should open myself up more and just let myself show that I am delighted. Which I do! I mean, in a way that I am comfortable of. Okay so whenever I receive something maybe like a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates, the first thought that comes to my mind is that these easily consumed items don’t really have any significant use. But understanding the message that is universally acknowledged about the custom of presenting these things make me feel grateful. Even if my appreciation is shown from the series of awkward mumbles as I subconsciously avoid the other person’s eyes. And yes, I feel really guilty for that.

I told my mom about it. She chuckled and told me that I am just so much like my father. He’s the type to say thank you in silence but the moment you stop doing things that he’s “thankful” for, he gets really grumpy.

It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with it when I receive it. I guess, with the months that has passed, I am still not used to it. I mean, if my 10 year old self could see me, she’d literally laugh her ass off. Whatever is happening right now could be like the greatest plot twist for everyone from my childhood who thought that I would grow up a lesbian.

Which goes to the fact I still get weirdly embarrassed being seen by other people who I’ve known over the years. I would duck under the table or turn the opposite way, afraid of being taunted that I am now dating and is now an actual girl–which I already am from the moment of my birth I don’t even know why I feel this way?  Can’t I have a quiet and peaceful and intimate relationship with another male human being without anyone buzzing around? Why can’t these people let me be?

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The Iconic Vase of Valentine’s 2017

But hey, most of the time the”buzzing around” is mostly just inside my head but we’ll have to wait and see. Although, there is something about that awkward Valentine’s day that I failed to realize. And it wasn’t until a few days later that I  thought about it.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to let the other person do all the trouble for you. The best thing to do is to let them stay up all night just to write letters for you. Let them spend money to buy chocolates and flowers for you. Let them do wild gestures of endearment that could either cause public disturbance or eternal embarrassment. I have been saying that these things are not important and that it’s okay not to receive anything but really, it’s not about me at all.

There is that feeling of delight when you do something for the person you love. And you don’t even realize the inconvenience of it. And so we just have to let them.

About Love and Bitterness

To be honest, I find Valentine’s Day a really fascinating event and I was never at all bitter about it. The world is just filled with the juiciest acts of valor from people in letting the whole world know about who they love and how much they love them. And with the help of stuff like cards, giant teddy bears and flowers, which is abundant on the streets at this time of year, the acts of endearment are acknowledged and not at all laughed at.

This is the day people get to celebrate love and I believe there is nothing to be bitter about it. Human beings have the capability of empathy and care and putting others before themselves even if it can destroy them and I think it’s just right that we have this one day of commemorating it.

Yes, it may be associated with people in a relationship, well so what? It’s just a fucking day. Why not stop ranting about whatever it is that you don’t have and start being happy for those two people over there with their god knows how much they’ve been through. Those two people who, like the millions of people all around that world, has got loads of stories that can either entertain or inspire anyone who listens.

In my observation, Valentine’s day among the people around me suddenly creates this idea that being in a relationship is too mainstream and that being single is making it’s way as the trend and the new cool thing. I don’t have anything against whatever status anyone has. It’s just that, why should we  make a sort-of competition among the statuses like they’re fighting for a throne or something? It’s sad because suddenly there’s a division and without realizing it, we are all losers whichever part we belong. It’s either we belong to the uncool couples or the bitter singletons.

It’s all a matter of respect. I look forward to the day we evolve to that.

Exaltation

Listening to somebody tell their love story is the most adorable thing to experience. It didn’t matter if you couldn’t picture those exact events they were giggling about. Because just by looking at the person while they talk, you could almost feel the love that was present, almost as if you were actually there the whole time.

It was funny observing those tiny yet endearing little things. I can see the way my friend looks over at the distance and the way her eyes would glisten as she recall every detail that was to be told from her memory.  Those amusing little wrinkles just below her eyes as she smiles and think about the wonderful times that happened to them. And don’t get me started with the way she would lean closer to me as if she was telling me some knowledge that was never to be spoken and it was vital for me to understand every detail.

She was talking as if I wasn’t there. But I didn’t mind. In fact, it felt…human. and I wanted to hug her so badly at that moment because she deserves it for making all of it real. But I didn’t of course. Because it would be really weird and it might be impolite and we were doing something and it’s not really my thing so yeah.

I’ve been told many stories this way. And it’s really fascinating to see how eager people would tell you all those stuff, that, to think of it, didn’t really matter to anyone but themselves.

and btw, i found this unfinished blog entry that i think would suit this one. it’s kinda hanging, but whatever.

It’s a funny thing watching people fall in love. It’s like being in love yourself but in a way that you don’t move around and do stupid shit for someone.  And no, it is not like watching flicks. When you witness an actual person right from the moment he isolates this certain girl from the crowd until the moment he tries to pull out all of his hair because he just can’t stop thinking about her, it kinda feels different. It feels so real..because..well, it is real. I mean it’s the story of someone you most likely knew in person and how he copes with this whole love madness.You’re not entirely involved, but you seem affected by it.

k bye