Tag Archives: valentine’s day

Love and Movement

Daily Prompt: Courage

February 14 was an important day. Nope, it’s not because it’s Valentines Day (although C and I managed to scrape a few minutes during lunch time. We were both drowned in our own deadlines that day). And it’s not because it’s also Ash Wednesday. I did something and it’s one of the most important thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I spoke about women and human rights and how wrong rape culture is.

There’s this thing in the office that we do twice a week wherein someone from the team gets to pick a topic they’re interested in or passionate about. Then, they would discuss it in front of the whole office. After that, the audience gets to share or ask questions. It’s like a typical show and tell except we don’t get grades from it. Personally, it’s really fun because you can really tell a lot about a person from the topics he/she chooses.

So I was assigned to discuss that day. Well at first, I was having second thoughts because I was clouded with doubt. What if people wouldn’t get me? What if they judge me for being too angry about stuff? What if they accuse me of hating men too much? What if they shake their heads in disagreement? What if someone from the crowd asks a question and I wouldn’t know the answer to? But the need of speaking about it was stronger than these doubts so on Sunday night (I was due to report on Wednesday), I was doing research and making notes. There was no turning back.

When I spoke in that room, I was so determined of making people understand what women go through everyday. I even shared my own experiences as a woman in the society and how I was treated because of it. I also made sure that my discussion won’t be female-centered because I wanted to invite the male population. I was careful with my words and avoided saying things that might offend them (and men get offended by everything). Which means not pointing out the things that they are but the things they are “programmed” to be–so as to not sound as if I was blaming them.

Okay since the world is full of political arguments these days, here’s a quick tip on how to let yourself be heard by someone from the opposing side–forget the facts and empathize. Sure, facts are facts but are they willing to acknowledge them? No. So, there’s really no use of listing down all the things they are wrong about. They won’t listen. People will believe what they want to believe. Here’s what you should do–you talk in their language and speak about the stuff that they understand. Reach out and listen. Yes actually LISTEN to them no matter how bullshit their facts are. Because only then, you get to understand why they think that way. You listen to the things they care about and that’s when you explain how their beliefs will endanger these things. Don’t mock them or be mad at them. These things will only make things worse. And even if, in the end they don’t listen, give them time and retain that respect.. Remember, before all these you yourself were also ignorant of these views and you were also as apathetic as they are. So be patient and empathize.

Now back to where I was, even though my audience was small (not more than 25 people), the whole thing was an accomplishment. I was so happy that people were asking questions and making arguments. Some women from the crowd were even sharing their own stories! They were all talking about it and that was enough for me.

Ever since I’ve been awoken about how wrong women are treated in the society (despite people saying both genders are now equal because women are allowed to vote blargh), I cannot help but be vocal about it. I cannot help but insert it on conversations among friends. And just seeing how my friends are influenced by these beliefs was already fulfilling for me.

But having to spread the awareness to my colleagues? That was beyond everything that I’ve been doing for the past years. I wasn’t just inserting points to them in a conversation. I wasn’t just making sarcasm about how women are treated. I wasn’t just rolling my eyes and expressing disagreement on how the world works. I was actually conducting a proper discussion about the whole thing–with prepared PowerPoint slides and notes and sample videos to back up my statements!

I would never know if that tiny thing I did was enough to sink into the minds of everyone in that room. But I was lucky enough to get my voice out there.

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Late HS Awkwardness

Valentine’s day was a bit awkward. I don’t mean that in an awful way, it’s just that I feel like I’m that high school teenage girl experiencing a lot of things for the first time in her life. You know when she has heard a million stories about these things and she thinks she’s ready for them but deep down she hasn’t got the slightest clue on how these things work out. There’s a lot to take in and I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.

My friends told me that I should open myself up more and just let myself show that I am delighted. Which I do! I mean, in a way that I am comfortable of. Okay so whenever I receive something maybe like a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates, the first thought that comes to my mind is that these easily consumed items don’t really have any significant use. But understanding the message that is universally acknowledged about the custom of presenting these things make me feel grateful. Even if my appreciation is shown from the series of awkward mumbles as I subconsciously avoid the other person’s eyes. And yes, I feel really guilty for that.

I told my mom about it. She chuckled and told me that I am just so much like my father. He’s the type to say thank you in silence but the moment you stop doing things that he’s “thankful” for, he gets really grumpy.

It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with it when I receive it. I guess, with the months that has passed, I am still not used to it. I mean, if my 10 year old self could see me, she’d literally laugh her ass off. Whatever is happening right now could be like the greatest plot twist for everyone from my childhood who thought that I would grow up a lesbian.

Which goes to the fact I still get weirdly embarrassed being seen by other people who I’ve known over the years. I would duck under the table or turn the opposite way, afraid of being taunted that I am now dating and is now an actual girl–which I already am from the moment of my birth I don’t even know why I feel this way?  Can’t I have a quiet and peaceful and intimate relationship with another male human being without anyone buzzing around? Why can’t these people let me be?

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The Iconic Vase of Valentine’s 2017

But hey, most of the time the”buzzing around” is mostly just inside my head but we’ll have to wait and see. Although, there is something about that awkward Valentine’s day that I failed to realize. And it wasn’t until a few days later that I  thought about it.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to let the other person do all the trouble for you. The best thing to do is to let them stay up all night just to write letters for you. Let them spend money to buy chocolates and flowers for you. Let them do wild gestures of endearment that could either cause public disturbance or eternal embarrassment. I have been saying that these things are not important and that it’s okay not to receive anything but really, it’s not about me at all.

There is that feeling of delight when you do something for the person you love. And you don’t even realize the inconvenience of it. And so we just have to let them.

About Love and Bitterness

To be honest, I find Valentine’s Day a really fascinating event and I was never at all bitter about it. The world is just filled with the juiciest acts of valor from people in letting the whole world know about who they love and how much they love them. And with the help of stuff like cards, giant teddy bears and flowers, which is abundant on the streets at this time of year, the acts of endearment are acknowledged and not at all laughed at.

This is the day people get to celebrate love and I believe there is nothing to be bitter about it. Human beings have the capability of empathy and care and putting others before themselves even if it can destroy them and I think it’s just right that we have this one day of commemorating it.

Yes, it may be associated with people in a relationship, well so what? It’s just a fucking day. Why not stop ranting about whatever it is that you don’t have and start being happy for those two people over there with their god knows how much they’ve been through. Those two people who, like the millions of people all around that world, has got loads of stories that can either entertain or inspire anyone who listens.

In my observation, Valentine’s day among the people around me suddenly creates this idea that being in a relationship is too mainstream and that being single is making it’s way as the trend and the new cool thing. I don’t have anything against whatever status anyone has. It’s just that, why should we  make a sort-of competition among the statuses like they’re fighting for a throne or something? It’s sad because suddenly there’s a division and without realizing it, we are all losers whichever part we belong. It’s either we belong to the uncool couples or the bitter singletons.

It’s all a matter of respect. I look forward to the day we evolve to that.

Exaltation

Listening to somebody tell their love story is the most adorable thing to experience. It didn’t matter if you couldn’t picture those exact events they were giggling about. Because just by looking at the person while they talk, you could almost feel the love that was present, almost as if you were actually there the whole time.

It was funny observing those tiny yet endearing little things. I can see the way my friend looks over at the distance and the way her eyes would glisten as she recall every detail that was to be told from her memory.  Those amusing little wrinkles just below her eyes as she smiles and think about the wonderful times that happened to them. And don’t get me started with the way she would lean closer to me as if she was telling me some knowledge that was never to be spoken and it was vital for me to understand every detail.

She was talking as if I wasn’t there. But I didn’t mind. In fact, it felt…human. and I wanted to hug her so badly at that moment because she deserves it for making all of it real. But I didn’t of course. Because it would be really weird and it might be impolite and we were doing something and it’s not really my thing so yeah.

I’ve been told many stories this way. And it’s really fascinating to see how eager people would tell you all those stuff, that, to think of it, didn’t really matter to anyone but themselves.

and btw, i found this unfinished blog entry that i think would suit this one. it’s kinda hanging, but whatever.

It’s a funny thing watching people fall in love. It’s like being in love yourself but in a way that you don’t move around and do stupid shit for someone.  And no, it is not like watching flicks. When you witness an actual person right from the moment he isolates this certain girl from the crowd until the moment he tries to pull out all of his hair because he just can’t stop thinking about her, it kinda feels different. It feels so real..because..well, it is real. I mean it’s the story of someone you most likely knew in person and how he copes with this whole love madness.You’re not entirely involved, but you seem affected by it.

k bye