There is a reason why I let go of many grand long-hours-from-home adventures and didn’t participate —It’s because I can’t lie to my mom. And no I’m not saying I’m a saint because I’ve lied to my parents a couple of times, it’s just that I have this set of boundaries and these boundaries usually fall into situations where I think it’s safe to tell a false story on because if ever my parents find out, it wouldn’t make a big of a deal. Usually it would be about failed exams, locations of where I’m going to sleep for the night (in which I always say the same person and usually that person is someone my parents have heard of) , dinner schedules (when I haven’t eaten yet but still don’t feel like it), cut classes, school punishments, fucked up relationships with other people, etc.
As you can see most of these situations are in short term and can be forgotten easily. Well, except for the last one and if that happens, I always make sure that that person is someone my parents does not have any knowledge of.
But whenever someone invites me to go somewhere far off, on a remote place perhaps or swimming with my friends someplace, I would always say yes and make plans with my them but back out in the last minute.
You can call me a wimp or weak all you want but I always have this picture in my mind that there’s gonna be a car crash and I’m gonna die and my parents are gonna blame themselves for irresponsibility and I can’t console them because well…I’m dead. Also, dying in a middle of a lie where you can’t be there clear things up, is not my dream death (I don’t wish for death, but I do have dream deaths, it’s weird but I’ll probably explain it in the coming entries).
There’s also another thing: My parents have always put their 100% trust on me. I know that because they told me so. And It’s always one of the most sacred thing that I have between me and my mom and dad so I do my best not to break it. For years, honesty has been a big deal inside our house and I make sure that I choose the right lies (lol I didn’t realize there are right lies) to tell.
Well actually, as of now, there is one thing that I’m currently hiding from my mom and it’s this giant bruise on my arm. And it’s not any ordinary bruise from bumping somewhere or shit, It looked so horrible it seemed I had an accident somewhere! And no, I haven’t even told you where it came from.
Last Friday, right after our department’s first-ever acquaintance party, I asked my friend to punch me. Just so you know, this friend of mine is a guy and look, I’m not being sexist or anything but I’m totally being rational here and we can all agree that the physical male anatomy is more advantageous than my beautiful female gender. Also that guy goes to the gym most of the week and probably has a background on martial arts. So you get the idea of how my bruise looked like.
And if y’all wondering why I even asked him to punch me in the first place, well, there’s this habit that me and my friends have grown accustomed to and I think it started on the time when we got together at a birthday party at my friend’s place where everyone got wasted. I probably talked about it on the entry before this one.
Anyway, we have this weird fixation on forming a small circle and punching each other’s arms for no apparent reason except for pure entertainment. And it just feels so good to extend your inner force into your fists and transfer it unto another person’s flesh. I’ve never been into a fist fight before, well, except with my sister but that doesn’t count. So I poured all these reserved energy to my friends and theirs to me.
I don’t know maybe it’s because of the stress. Because one time, my classmate told me that there should be a punching bag inside the lab so we could just punch our hearts out whenever we want to when things fall apart.
So maybe I’ve been stressed because this week I’ve been sick a lot. I mean, my body seemed to just welcome all the bacteria around me with open arms. I’m still recovering from colds. I had dry coughs. I had swollen gums. I had diarrhea. And now the stupid bruise on my arm.
Anyway, it’s 2 weeks before the deadline of the AMV so the urge of punching someone again is steaming up.