I just realized, just this moment, how much I hated the idea of sleeping. Even as a kid, I despised this particular activity that people often described as “life’s little blessing” or “a surreal human experience” or “the opportunity to escape reality” and all those what-nots. Seriously, I just do not feel that.

When I was 5, every afternoon, just after lunch I would take every chance I could get to escape nap time. Sometimes I’d trick my mom into listening to my random stories–stories that would actually last for hours just so I could pass time. But in other times, my mom would be clever so she would have a way to resist the power of my persistence and so I had to no choice but to pick the other option–I would run away. I would go to whoever kid who’s not in nap time and I would come back before sunset. It didn’t matter to me that I got scolded. I’m just glad that I had extra time to play.

Now that I’m 19 and I’m in the college, where sleep is a like a rare holiday that you can only get either when your final exams are over or you have no hope of passing the subject, I never regretted the sleep hours I missed when I was a child. I know I sound ungrateful to think that the major I took requires my sleep hours to be work hours, but I’m talking about unpopular opinions here, so please bear with me. I just feel like sleeping is trading the awesome things you could have done instead of being lifeless for a few a hours. It’s like turning your back against the magnificence of the world and missing all the fun.

Sleeping almost ruined my future, by the way. I was making a midterm project and I’ve been working really hard on it and I was so tired, it was already 2 in the morning. And so I thought maybe I’ll just take some off and give my body some rest . Guess what, my body decided to wake up at fucking 6 in the morning giving me less time to edit my project. It was a miracle that I was able to finish on time.

I hate closing a really good late-night conversation with the reason of sleepiness. Whether it may be an intimate text conversation or a really cool sleepover at your friend’s place. It ruins the hype of getting to know that particular person as he/she comes out of his/her shell and lets you unlock secrets about themselves. And you’ll have to keep the questions to yourself and its never again to be brought up the moment the day breaks. And you’ll have to wait for another perfect late night to talk about them.

But then again, whether I like it or not, I need it. So I do it.

I need to sleep.

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