Pseudovisions and A Little Bit of Tears (okay Maybe A LOT)

I just finished reading Paper Towns by John Green. I think it is really a necessity for me to read twice all those books that I have under appreciated because I suck at reacting to first impressions. There are some books that when I first read it, I’m like “Hmmm..okay not bad. This might be the last time I’ll be reading this though,” but that thought is the exact indication that I should definitely read it one more time. I rarely trust my judgement over first impressions. I mean, who does?

And that is the reason why I chose Paper Towns as the first book I shall give my attention to this 2015. And by that, I meant that I will be giving my opinions about it.

Right. So Paper Towns is Looking for Alaska but a lot more focused on the mystery and adventure this guy named Quentin has to conquer as he solves the disappearance of the girl he has been fantasizing since childhood who’s name is Margo. AND NO WE DO NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT ALASKA’S DISAPPEARANCE BECAUSE I MIGHT START CRYING AT THIS VERY MOMENT. LOOKING FOR ALASKA IS JUST FULL  OF DEPRESSING EMOTIONS, I JUST CANT. Okay, I’m calm.

Now let’s be serious. I see myself in Quentin sometimes. Just his fascination about routines and how he talked about the little comforts they bring to him is how I sometimes feel about my life. I’m always scared of getting out of my comfort zone, I will not lie to that. And you know how people sometimes say that they’re scared but they do it anyway because it’s what they really want, well, sometimes I just want to wave my hands and frankly say, “I don’t want it.” I know it’s a fact that getting out of your comfort zone is cool because it makes you happier well, sometimes I feel like  I don’t even want to get there. I’m already happy from where I’m standing. I don’t need to be happier.

And I get that life is too short and that we have to make the most of everything but I feel like making the most of everything sometimes puts you in the line between “what’s fun” and “what’s right”. And if you ever cross that line, you either miss a chance of awesomeness or you disappoint the people you love. And I couldn’t bear that. It just makes me feel really awful.

I loved it when Radar ranted about Quentin expecting other people not to be themselves. It’s true that the story being in Q’s point of view is inevitably empathizing but when his friends snaps and just scolds him for  being selfish it just makes sense. Sometimes people complain a LOT about their family or friend’s annoying habits or awful personalities and those complaints sometimes becomes the root of disappointment towards them. And sometimes we use these complaints to force a person to change even though they can’t because it’s who they are and we just have to learn to accept that especially if they have been in close relationship with us.

Lacey is a loveable character. So loveable that she fills Margo’s absence with Q’s gorgeous descriptions of her. There even came a point when I almost ship both of them while they were talking in the bathtub about real things while everyone else fools around and get themselves wasted.

But then Margo reclaims her throne as queen because she’s just awesome. And she reminds me so much of Alaska (nope, I’m not crying. There’s just something in my eye. A twig maybe, or a branch. Ugh I can’t even). If I see myself as Q and I had to chose who my Margo might be, I’d choose Margo Roth Spiegelman herself. Not because my life is a dull, unexciting place that no one wants to drag me along their adventures and awesomeness. It’s because I have never met anyone who’s got the guts like her. Her whole nature is hard to comprehend but you still want to be with her so that you get to understand her and be engrossed to her.

And even though she’s plain fiction, she speaks to me. I know it’s pitiful but she’s there forever inviting me to the world I have yet to even want. She’s a reminder of the person I’ll never become if I don’t start putting up with my fears.

Someday, you know. Not right now.

Looking for Alaska is still  my favorite book.

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