I was going through my stuff awhile ago and found a scrapbook where I used to post my drawings back when I didn’t have the commitment of owning a sketchpad. I used to draw in every back page of any used paper because my mom told me it’s a waste of paper if I used blank pages. There came a time when I realized I’ve been drawing too much and I was quite fascinated with how awful some of the drawings were so I decided to put it on a scrapbook thus, this particular page I posted above.
When I was in fourth grade, there had been a big talk of this anime called Naruto in my class. It’s been popular mostly to boys because it’s of the action. It’s also popular to girls because of Sasuke. BUT, before anything else, that statement was just my observation in MY class. That does not generalize how girls and boys see things, okay? I just needed to say that because the talk of feminism is hot right now and I myself is a feminist and I want everyone to know that that statement was based in MY observation in MY class and I believe that anyone can love it for whatever reason they have regardless of their gender. Okay?
Okay, moving on.
So this show is about this kid named Naruto who goes to a ninja school and that’s probably the main reason why everyone loved it. I mean c’mon who wouldn’t want to study in a ninja school? In my long experience of school, students, especially kids are not really that excited with Math, Science and English. I mean, sometimes they’re fun but you don’t really see kids wishing, “Oh man, I wish I was in a Math School. Where I get to enhance my fraction skills and I master getting the square root of this and that 24/7. That would be really awesome!”
Yeesh. Typing these words just gives me chills because, you know, me and Math, we go way back. And I’m telling you, throughout the years we’ve been together, not pretty (See this entry I made to know my feels about it). So yeah, Naruto comes along making every kid jealous of him because he get to study in this really fun and dangerous (because seriously, kids are taught to kill each other) academy and he get to have these weird but cool mentors and all his adventures where he always gets to fight someone and it went on for years. It just had its finale last November, I think.
So yeah, in that year, when I dreamt I myself was a Ninja on training from the hidden leaf village of Konoha, I made a sort-of fanart. I guess I kinda nailed it without using any reference. But there’s this one character that really bothers me because I can not recognize her at all.
Who is she? What is she doing here? I’ve been racking my brains and I still don’t remember what is her purpose in this drawing. Could it be possible that someone deliberately put it in there when I was not looking? Or was I experiencing hallucination like in the movie Oculus where the character doesn’t remember doing a particular thing and she would suddenly get surprised when she realized she had done it?
Or she placed herself in there?
Did she wanted so badly to belong somewhere that she forced herself in a drawing of a 10 year-old? Knowing that she cannot be remembered by the creator, knowing that no matter how hard she try to blend in, she can never be part of this world. Of any world. So she silently swallow the pain. And behind her vacant eyes and sly smile, she pretends she’s part of something.