My mom and I had the “Lesbihonest talk”. For a few days she has been all irritated and grouchy all of a sudden and I was kind of annoyed because she won’t tell me what’s it about. She’s been saying how my attitude has been getting worse everyday and I don’t understand how it came to be since I feel the same since finals.
She’s been telling me that I have been going out a lot lately and that I always come home late and I was really annoyed because seriously it’s SEMESTRAL BREAK. It’s the two weeks of pure fun and freedom. I told her about the endless invites I had from my friends and she already said yes. Besides, I’ve been working my ass off to survive the semester and I think I deserve a break.
I thought she understood that because I know she would. I mean, she was never strict when it comes to going out with my friends so seriously for the past few days I was really confused of her actions and I was a little bit hurt on how she didn’t really acknowledge my achievements this semester.
She started off saying: “Tell me the truth.”
And in that moment I recalled every lie I told and every wrong thing I did but all of them did not match the weight of my mother’s question. So I was like, what is she talking about? She went on saying I won’t be permitted to go to my friends birthday unless I tell her the truth.
That statement really pissed me off. What truth?! So I told her that if that is the case then I won’t go to that stupid motherfucking birthday even if everyone except me goes. I won’t be going because I won’t be telling any truth because there is no truth she needed to know!
And then she was asking me why am I hanging out with people outside my department and where did all my friends go. Deep down I’m like, am I not allowed to be friends with other people too? What is this???
And then she fucking asked me if I was dating my friend! In case you didn’t know, that friend she’s talking about is a girl. A female person capable of conceiving a child in her womb that comes out of her sex organ called the vagina.
She asked me if I was gay. Behind my back, she’s been connecting the dots. Why am I wearing tshirt and jeans and sneakers all the time? Why don’t I have a boyfriend? Why do walk funny?
I wanted to laugh but I was so pissed that I told her that my choice of wardrobe and absence of male partner does not define my preference. You see, in my family the talk of gender orientation has not yet been completely accepted. Basically they’re conservative. And what my mom’s actions mean is that she’s just worried that if I ever become a homosexual, the stupid society would be talking about me. And I understand her worries. I just wish she wasn’t too mad all the time. And what’s there to worry about on being gay because seriously being gay is awesome and being gay is one of my secret dreams.
Anyway, it still stung. Not the accusation but the fact that she was thinking about all these things when she should be happy for me that I did not fail my subjects and that I’m off to second semester.
I was still not allowed to go to that birthday. ugh.