I’ve always loved going out at night in a place where there’s not much people roaming around. And everything is quiet and cold. Especially in those moments where you just went through a lot of stress and that night was the only chance you have for peace and relaxation. I’ve been into that kind of night thrice.
The first one was when I was in a friend’s house and we were hanging out on the rooftop at 2 am and just staring at the starless night sky with Lana del Rey singing in the background. That was the night I was convinced of Lana’s beautiful voice. We were all a little bit drunk so it was the perfect time to lie down and just enjoy the silence of mild headaches and bloated tummies.
The second one happened the night before the deadline for the final requirement and we were all in my friends house because we needed each other’s support. And when one of us had to go (it was past 12 midnight), two of us pestered to tag along. So there were four of us (1 driver, 1 passenger and 2 stowaways – all in one motorcycle). It was a painful ride since the average number of people acceptable in a motorcycle ride are probably 2. Also, it was a bit dangerous and we were cautious of the presence of police officers. But man, that ride was fucking awesome. The wind was sweeping past my face and we were all laughing and joking around. And at that moment I knew what Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower felt when he said “And in that moment, I swear we were infinite,”. I finally understood what that infinity meant.
And the third night just happened last night. How lucky I was to have the privilege of experiencing that kind of night last night. I was wondering where I might crash because our group meeting was cancelled and I had nowhere else to go. That time, my friend was texting me and sharing insights about her life and how she felt awful for being so distant for the past semester. I gave her some advice and told her that she should always make the most of it for the people around her even if it’s just for a short while and not think of any other day for her to spend time with that person. I told her that she should always take that chance before they separate again and god knows when will she be able to see them again.
And at that very moment, a pang of guilt swept over me because of my hypocrisy. What right do I even have to talk about these stuff when I myself can be an apathetic asshole. There are moments when it takes a great deal of effort to reach out to a person that you have been too distant with for the longest time that the option you choose is the easier one, which is, getting used to the idea of you both slowly fading away in each other’s lives until you just become strangers.
And right now, I think it’s time to try out the option where I actually do something. And so I grabbed my stuff and headed to her place with no plans, no back-ups, just the queer determination to prove to myself that I can actually care.
We ended up hanging out someplace quiet in their subdivision and just to talk and catch-up.
okay, that ruined things. bye.