What is this? I do not understand this. One moment, Silvia was reassuring me that we’re just friends and now look at us. She’s holding my hand when there’s really no reason to. Last night, I confessed my feelings to her but she told me that she can only see us as friends. So I said ok, and we both agreed that we should all forget about it and remain…good friends.
And right now I don’t know if she’s just trying to act as normal as she can or she’s mocking the agreement that we had. I mean, we held hands before but that was when I was still sane enough to hide whatever I was feeling. And now it’s weird.
It’s kinda painful too because despite the overwhelming feeling of interlocking hands with the girl of your dreams, the fact that she rejected you snaps you out of it. And when you try to pretend that she didn’t reject you and that she loved you back, the fact that you were pretending makes it even more painful.
It sucks that she’s just right there being so beautiful and having no idea how awful I’m feeling right now.
Ok, I initiated the hand holding because I wanted to know if he’s cool with it since we’ve done it loads of times before. I wanted to make sure that we can still be friends despite of what happened last night. Turns out, he’s more than okay with it. He kept on squeezing my hand and would beam at me from time to time.
I know I should be happy that we remained friends and not those people who get awkward after a rejected confession. But seeing his face last night giving in and not fighting back to what he’s feeling and right now acting out as nothing happened kinda hurts me a bit. Yeah, it was stupid of me rejecting him in the first place but I just wasn’t ready. Gary and I just broke up…ok maybe a year ago but I don’t know, I think there’s still a chance we might work things out.
Maybe not. In the spirit of honesty, I may have feelings for him. But I’m not sure. I mean, he’s always around and his presence makes me feel good. But why didn’t I just tell him I wasn’t ready? Why did I came with the stupid agreement of dismissing the chance that we could be together? God, I’m so stupid.
Now look at this idiot, staring at that old woman knitting and not caring about what’s been happening lately to both of us.
Well, well, well what have we have here. I never thought I’d see this boy again. Except he’s not a boy anymore, he’s a man now with a woman beside him. Last time I saw him, he was screaming at me that I should never have found him and that I should have let his poor, frail, infant body freeze outside the harsh snow. I don’t understand how could he hate me that much. I was only trying to protect him from that girl. She was using him. So I did what I had to do and separated them. Now look what happened, he’s found another one and I’m guessing their happy.
There he goes. Time flies so fast, I knew he wouldn’t recognize me.
Oh no. What is she doing here? Is she…homeless? But how can she? She’s always been a tough woman. But seeing her right now, it seems like she’s given up and It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have walked away from her. I should apologize and make up to her.
What is wrong with me? I’m a horrible person for walking past her. I couldn’t do it. I’m a coward for not facing her and saying sorry for the things I said. I just…couldn’t.
What’s the matter with this guy? He’s crushing my hand. Look, I understand if he’s just trying to be really friendly but man, can’t he let my hand breathe. It’s losing it’s color. Wait. Is it me or I can see tears on his eyes?