I have to admit, I’m willing to embarrass myself in the public just to make my friends laugh. I’ve done it loads of times, and never regretted about it. I just want to make people happy. And I think I’m doing a good job.
But there’s something afraid of. You see, people know me of being the psycho clown in the group and I’m just scared that I won’t go any further than that. I don’t want to be the person who’s only use in someone’s life is to make them laugh. I mean, I’m okay with making people laugh, it’s just that, as a friend, It would definitely make me happy if someone would just share their problems with me. I don’t know, but I can feel that some of my friends are uncomfortable on sharing their issues to me because well…I’m a joke, and I wouldn’t handle the serious issues of life. I used to have this friend of mine who frankly told me that she was having doubts on sharing her love life to me because she doesn’t think that I would relate to her. That kinda hurt me a bit, because I’m a friend…and friends tell their problems to each other. And I really felt the mistrust in there. For a moment I wanted to say to her face that I don’t have this power of consistent happy feelings and I am a being who can feel other emotions too so you don’t have to tire yourself in isolating me on your circle of friends.
Whenever my friends talk about issues, I just keep quiet because I don’t know what they’re talking about. And I honestly don’t know how to approach a person and ask what his/her problem is without feeling like I’m prying. And it hurts not to have something to advice to a friend because you have no idea what her problem is. And while your friends are comforting each other you just sit there and be mad at yourself for knowing nothing.
I want to listen to my friends’ problems. I wanna to be that friend who everyone feels comfortable with when it comes to sharing. I don’t want my friends to think that I’m just there on the happy moments of their life. I don’t want to let people feel like I don’t care about their problems because really…I do care about them…a lot.