But only on my own

On one corner of the universe, there’s an Eponine hoping, waiting, and forever loving a Marius that will never be hers. It so happened that I was one of those Eponines.

I was thinking about making a movie review on my blog about Les Miserables, when suddenly I saw a familiar yet interesting face. The person from my childhood years that I once attached my feelings to. I sat beside him on the jeepney and was trying my best to be casual. It got a bit too casual because we didn’t really talk much. While there my heart was, screaming and telling him how many times he entered my mind and he never had a fcking clue. If only he’d realize how much I would constantly choose the proper songs of the soundtrack of that ride on my playlist that he’ll probably never had a chance to listen to. Even though my head hurts the sting on my heart was more painful. How much I occupied those spaces between us and tried my best to be as close to him as possible. How much it breaks my heart whenever he checks his phone and gets excited whenever there’s a message probably from some girl he’d been thinking about. While my number withers in his phone dying to hear a simple hello. How much I wished he’d sense I was feeling cold and would at least care look at me because It’ll make me feel hot when blood rushes through my face. How much I spent those fruitless hours daydreaming he’d make new memories with me just like the old times.

I never understood how we grew apart as we grew older. The worst part was, I don’t even know him anymore. And I don’t think he knows who I am now. I never thought of it as love. Those feelings I had for him was mere attraction and I was probably having OTP’s with him and myself. Maybe we’re not really meant to be the way I wanted us to be. Maybe, we’re just meant to be memories from each other’s childhood years.

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One thought on “But only on my own

  1. Pingback: This Sissyness Makes Me Cray-Cray | STAY AWAY, SWEET MISERY

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