We Actually Went Miles (8124.43 miles to be exact)

So remember the time when my friends and I kinda made a film about death and stuff? It was a summer project back in 2014 because we still had time to make personal projects back then.

It was this film:

and I already talked to y’all about it in this entry here.

And right now, I am still in shock because of what popped out on my friend’s inbox. It was an email saying that our film got qualified as one of the official selection from a competition called Fashion Film Festival Chicago. And I checked the site out and there we were:


What the fuck? I don’t mean it in a bad way but I didn’t really expect that it would actually go somewhere other than the eyes of our peers and friends. We were bored. We never had like a statement to fight for or someone to dedicate this film to. It was all just because we needed to create something. We needed to generate ideas and make something productive. We were a group of friends who happens to have the same interests and hang out through talking about mirrors of reality and make them into films.

And to think, judging from the past winners and the quality of the other selected films, we are no way in level with them. I’m not saying that I am not proud of this. To be honest, it’s more of a WTF moment but in a good way.

I am really thrilled. It’s like this: You create something and the excitement was at the moment when you finish it. You share to everyone you love. You scream to the world that you put a certain amount of effort doing that and you’re really proud of it. And as days or weeks pass, it dies down and yeah you’re still proud of it but you’ve got other things coming and going in your life. Until it came to the point when the hype died down and it’s now just a really cool thing that contains awesome memories.

But then, someone experiences that creation in some part of the planet at the moment when you’ve almost forgotten about it. And they appreciate it. And it felt so good knowing that someone still cares even you yourself doesn’t that much anymore.


Guys, let’s make more.

At Japs

You know how when people say, “You’ll just have to learn to love it,” and you roll your eyes because of how much sure you are of yourself that you are forever to despise whatever that thing is. Well, if there’s anything college has taught me, is that you can’t get picky. Especially when we’re talking about what to eat.

When there are moments that you want to eat something decent but you don’t really want to empty your budget.

There is a seriousness when it comes to the dilemma I get whenever I decide to eat somewhere. I have to admit, I can be a picky eater. You can ask my mom that because I eat like a 7 year old. I hate the green and healthy (The only vegetable that my mouth and my gut finds acceptable are potatoes. The rest, I either leave them on my plate or eat them without chewing.)

Also, in the family there is this weird sickness that my mom and I share. It’s those random meals when we just—out of nowhere, have this urge to throw up. No it’s not because we hated the food or we’re allergic on something. This sickness is such a mystery that I find it hard trying to talk it out with my friends.

But just because I am a picky eater that doesn’t mean that I am those stereotyped annoying friend who just stands in the corner while her friends are pigging out in some shabby eatery because she’s allergic to everything.

Okay, before I continue let me just remind you of something about these types of friends. It’s annoying, yes. BUT WE DON’T REALLY HAVE TO HATE THEM FOR WHAT THEY DON’T LIKE. I mean, so what if they don’t want to try something out. So what if their choices are different from yours. Why would you force someone to do something that they are uncomfortable of? Yeah it may be a super fun thing to everyone else and that y’all think that that person is some kind of a bitch for declining and disagreeing to it. But you know what? Why not just respect that person’s preference and just stop hating. And you might think that you’re being this great friend who’s gonna change someone’s life by, i don’t know, peer pressuring them. Because you don’t force, you let that person decide.

So where was I?

Right. So yah I choose the food I eat based on the taste and not on how or where or the price it’s made. And there’s this one particular dish in a local Japanese bistro right outside the university that drives my friends and colleagues crazy.

It’s called the butadon. 

I haven’t got a picture of what it actually looked like but I’m telling you it does not look like the ones on the google images when you search it. The presentation does not look appetizing at all because it’s basically a bowl consisted of small chunks of pork, rice and some veggies all swimming in a ramen soup. And atop of that you get to pour this weird looking sauce that does not smell nice.

For months, ever since the popularity of that Japanese bistro rose in our small group, I had no choice but to respect the unanimous decision of where to eat lunch. I had to endure the awful soggy texture it had because of too much soup. And what I don’t understand is how much people would demand extra soup. Like what is wrong with you. The ingredients are hardly recognizable anymore.

And I had to stay because the economy is dropping day by day in my weekly allowance. I had to make cuts so I could save at least 30%.

But as time passed and the times we spent on that place were more often, I slowly and painfully became used to the taste of butadon. Until it came to the point where I was craving for one. Of course I still didn’t love the taste. It was still mushy as ever plus the original cook mysteriously disappeared and was replaced by his apprentices so it tasted differently. But the familiarity and satisfaction you feel from eating it is the biggest mystery of all.

More mysterious than my family’s puzzling sickness or the vanishing Japanese chef.


In those long afternoons walks I wish our destination was farther or never to be reached at all. I love hearing your stories. It interests me no matter how simple and ordinary they may be. I like seeing your eyes glisten as you speak you heart out. And the sound as you catch your breath in your hurry of finishing the story. And those taps on my shoulder whenever you need my utmost attention because you were trying to make a point. 

Although it makes my heart skip beats when you cling onto my elbow whenever there’s a car around as we cross the street, I kinda wish you’d never let go. If given the chance, I would have interlaced my fingers around yours and hold it for as long as the situation can. 

And I shall never waste a single millisecond as our every step takes us towards wherever this whole moment should stop. 

because nothing feels more peaceful than doing your favorite thing with your favorite person. 

Scraps of Old Doodles

SAM_29692 SAM_2969

Say hello to where my ancient artworks are recorded. This is where I put all those random drawings I had when I was in high school. Back then, I didn’t have a decent sketchbook to carry around so I resorted to the back pages of notebooks and exam papers. Currently this baby is already full and I’m still thinking of buying a new one.

Desolate Inferno


You are the least expected person to know that much about my life. And vice versa, I don’t even think that I’m the closest person who’ll be interested in your  life. But here we are. You started off as a recurring character in my circle of friends. I never really knew that much about you and I never really cared. But I guess, as years went by we just sorta stuck.

And I’m quiet thankful for putting up with me for the past years. I mean, I never really had regrets on being mean to you but you know, I never hated you. I mean who could? You’ve always been thoughtful to your friends. You know how to listen and you’re the person to trust on big stories. And you’re really funny. I guess that’s the reason why I started hanging out with you in the first place. You’re humor is so relatable that it does not require intense thought. Everyone gets it that’s why it’s funny.

I’l forever treasure the first important conversation we ever had back at that senior’s tribute after party. When we decided to go out, have some air and talk. It’s funny how it took us 3 years to open ourselves up to each other. But that doesn’t stop being me from being mean to you. Just so you know.

Happy Birthday Muscle Man.

Last Letters

Now here we are, on the last page, you and me. There isn’t really much more to say to you because I’ve written you entries more than enough for you to absorb. Plus an amazing chatbox filled with honesty and endearment and one helluvah friendship that I’ll cherish to my grave. 

I’ve lived a short life and I never thought I’d have the chance of actually caring for someone. I thought I’d never experience wanting to be with a person and sometimes destroying myself in the process. But even so, I am eternally grateful (lels using the word “eternally” is really weird and appropriate at this time).

Please take care of yourself. Have a long pleasant walk when you feel the need to think things through. Remember breaks and rest days but never forget to give time to the people you love. If there’s anything death has ever taught me is that we should keep the important people around. 

You wanna know something cool? I just defied the considered universal truth these days that there is no forever. Think about it, the moment I stopped breathing, that was the moment when my time in this world also stopped. It may have not stopped my body from withering but all the memories and feelings and thoughts I ever had is now frozen in time. It shall never be tweaked nor broken nor destroyed. They will never change. It’s gonna be the way it is forever. 

I don’t know much about afterlife. Everyone who I would probably ask about it is now dead. But I’d like to believe that wherever I’m going, I’d carry those feelings for you with me. 

So whenever you’re feeling sad or alone or like the whole world has turned its back against you, always remember that I’m here and I’m always gonna be on your side and I’m always gonna love you. Forever. (HA! tell your future relationship to beat that!)

But seriously, I’ll be watchin’ over ya. So no worries. 

Have a great life.

I swear I’m not wishing for death but sometimes I feel like I’m ready. Also I was bored.