We Went To Daet for This?

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Actually we went to make a music video that we shall be releasing by next week, I think. Gosh after a couple of pathetic appeals to my mom just to ask for her permission, finally I was able to go to the place that has already invited me a couple of months ago but I didn’t go because there was a typhoon hovering over the region so ugh.

Anyway the one night and two days stay in Daet was really fun and productive. I was finally able to reach Bagasbas beach (that we shall be featuring in our film). Also, the Earl’s burger which is located just by the beach is highly recommended. And then we went to a Japanese surplus shop. I bought a Darth Vader keychain and a Dyno torch (a mechanically powered flashlight).

I’m not really in the mood to go into details about what happened. To be honest I just got home and I’m kinda tired. So I’ll probably just be posting our film in a couple of days if this laziness continues.

It’ll probably look like this:

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Paul Echano  did the photos and everything. He’s a really hot person and he’s just too cool to level with because his photography and shit is rad. I wish I was him. We all do.

Itch and Urge

Found this in my old notes…

September 21, 2014

There has to be something I have to write about. The keys of this laptop are pulling my fingers giving me the itch to start typing something. But what? It’s not that I have an idea because I really don’t.

Awhile ago, I was planning to watch Doctor Who but then I changed my mind and went straight to our PC and start playing a game because I told myself I need to do some sort of activity not just stay dormat and watch something. But then after dinner when I was about to sit on the computer, I realized I’m not really in the mood to go racing (I was playing Need for Speed). I went to my laptop and opened the folder containing the Detectctive Conan episodes. I opened episode 61 but I closed it again.

There is something I have to do. No, not Maya. It’s something I want to do at the same time. And I’m having a bit of a trouble figuring it out. It seems that I was really craving to do the previous activities it’s just that there is a much more important activity that I should be doing. This is so weird. My guess is I feel like I should be writing something but what?

You know how the keys of the laptop is so fun to press on compared to the keyboard? That short and modern sensation on the tips of your fingers. And that beautiful sound everytime you write words with it? “tst tst tst…” It’s sound so full of ideas. It’s not the same sound as the normal keyboard, “tak tak tak…” No. It’s sounds young and quick.

The problems is how do you keep that sound on going on? How do pour ideas to you fingers just to feel those keys? You can’t just type random letters. It would sound…different. The words had to contain something.

Is this what happens when I’m off to the internent for so many days? What is this? A mental disorder?

I guess… I had to go back to episode 61 and let my mind wander to another show.

I Have A Girlfriend Now…at least that’s what my mom says

My mom and I had the “Lesbihonest talk”. For a few days she has been all irritated and grouchy all of a sudden and I was kind of annoyed because she won’t tell me what’s it about. She’s been saying how my attitude has been getting worse everyday and I don’t understand how it came to be since I feel the same since finals.

She’s been telling me that I have been going out a lot lately and that I always come home late and I was really annoyed because seriously it’s SEMESTRAL BREAK. It’s the two weeks of pure fun and freedom. I told her about the endless invites I had from my friends and she already said yes. Besides, I’ve been working my ass off to survive the semester and I think I deserve a break.

I thought she understood that because I know she would. I mean, she was never strict when it comes to going out with my friends so seriously for the past few days I was really confused of her actions and I was a little bit hurt on how she didn’t really acknowledge my achievements this semester.

She started off saying: “Tell me the truth.”

And in that moment I recalled every lie I told and every wrong thing I did but all of them did not match the weight of my mother’s question. So I was like, what is she talking about? She went on saying I won’t be permitted to go to my friends birthday unless I tell her the truth.

That statement really pissed me off. What truth?! So I told her that if that is the case then I won’t go to that stupid motherfucking birthday even if everyone except me goes. I won’t be going because I won’t be telling any truth because there is no truth she needed to know!

And then she was asking me why am I hanging out with people outside my department and where did all my friends go. Deep down I’m like, am I not allowed to be friends with other people too? What is this???

And then she fucking asked me if I was dating my friend! In case you didn’t know, that friend she’s talking about is a girl. A female person capable of conceiving a child in her womb that comes out of her sex organ called the vagina.

She asked me if I was gay. Behind my back, she’s been connecting the dots. Why am I wearing tshirt and jeans and sneakers all the time? Why don’t I have a boyfriend? Why do walk funny?

I wanted to laugh but I was so pissed that I told her that my choice of wardrobe and absence of male partner does not define my preference. You see, in my family the talk of gender orientation has not yet been completely accepted. Basically they’re conservative. And what my mom’s actions mean is that she’s just worried that if I ever become a homosexual, the stupid society would be talking about me. And I understand her worries. I just wish she wasn’t too mad all the time. Besides I AM STRAIGHT. So there’s nothing to worry about (if there’s anything to be worried about on being gay because seriously being gay is awesome and being gay is one of my secret dreams).

Anyway, it still stung. Not the accusation but the fact that she was thinking about all these things when she should be happy for me that I did not fail my subjects and that I’m off to second semester.

I was still not allowed to go to that birthday. ugh.

Birthday Bliss

So this actually happened awhile ago

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It was Brigid Vaughn’s birthday and I made a tribute to her because she’s really one of the two artists who inspired me when it comes to pursuing art and having my own style (the other one is Phil Noto). I have never felt so privileged when I realized that she reblogged my art (and that I gained some followers and had a lot of notes because of that).

I just want to say to everyone who might be reading this, that if you ever get yourself someone who looks up to you, you should really make a big deal about it. Especially if your social statuses are far from each other and that having to be friends with that person is a bit improbable.

All I’m saying here is the excitement and exuberance and ecstasy you feel when your hero acknowledges your existence even though they need not know about who you are, just the things that connects to you, is really precious.

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Night Time, My Time

I’ve always loved going out at night in a place where there’s not much people roaming around. And everything is quiet and cold. Especially in those moments where you just went through a lot of stress and that night was the only chance you have for peace and relaxation. I’ve been into that kind of night thrice.

The first one was when I was in a friend’s house and we were hanging out on the rooftop at 2 am and just staring at the starless night sky with Lana del Rey singing in the background. That was the night I was convinced of Lana’s beautiful voice. We were all a little bit drunk so it was the perfect time to lie down and just enjoy the silence of mild headaches and bloated tummies.

The second one happened the night before the deadline for the final requirement and we were all in my friends house because we needed each other’s support. And when one of us had to go (it was past 12 midnight), two of us pestered to tag along. So there were four of us (1 driver, 1 passenger and 2 stowaways – all in one motorcycle). It was a painful ride since the average number of people acceptable in a motorcycle ride are probably 2. Also, it was a bit dangerous and we were cautious of the presence of police officers. But man, that ride was fucking awesome. The wind was sweeping past my face and we were all laughing and joking around. And at that moment I knew what Charlie from The Perks of Being A Wallflower felt when he said “And in that moment, I swear we were infinite,”. I finally understood what that infinity meant.

And the third night just happened last night. How lucky I was to have the privilege of experiencing that kind of night last night. I was wondering where I might crash because our group meeting was cancelled and I had nowhere else to go. That time, my friend was texting me and sharing insights about her life and how she felt awful for being so distant for the past semester. I gave her some advice and told her that she should always make the most of it for the people around her even if it’s just for a short while and not think of any other day for her to spend time with that person. I told her that she should always take that chance before they separate again and god knows when will she be able to see them again.

And at that very moment, a pang of guilt swept over me because of my hypocrisy. What right do I even have to talk about these stuff when I myself can be an apathetic asshole. There are moments when it takes a great deal of effort to reach out to a person that you have been too distant with for the longest time that the option you choose is the easier one, which is, getting used to the idea of you both slowly fading away in each other’s lives until you just become strangers.

And right now, I think it’s time to try out the option where I actually do something. And so I grabbed my stuff and headed to her place with no plans, no back-ups, just the queer determination to prove to myself that I can actually care.

We ended up hanging out someplace quiet in their subdivision and just to talk and catch-up.

ketchup.

okay, that ruined things. bye.